True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
