Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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