Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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