I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
