I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
