I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
