***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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