I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
