I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Just pee around me
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
