Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
