yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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