I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You were trust falling into bushes
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
