So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
