its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
