it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
