It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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