Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
