I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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