How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
