party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
