Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
