I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
