who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
