that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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