I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
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