Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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