I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
