my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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