No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
