You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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