hotel room ftw
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
