I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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