rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
