Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Randomize
