apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
