True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
bring money and cleavage
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
