My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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