Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
