My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
