ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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