This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
