I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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