i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
