Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Randomize
