at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
