i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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