Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
