His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
you made out with another girl for some wings
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Randomize
