No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
