There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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