we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
