the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
How's work?
Spinning.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
