Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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