Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
