This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Randomize
